Le roman team smurf chap i
Posté : 27 mai 2017, 20:13
Trouduc's fist trembled as he received the dire news. His anger gave way and he let out a chilling wail. Tears streamed from his eyes, wetting the stone beneath his feet.
"No," he screamed out into the night. "This cannot be. Jean-Luc has died."
The other smurfs also let out their desperation. One of them started singing a smurf song known as a joik, a sort of funeral elegy or dearth.
"The firmament shall shake
All hell breaks through the quake
Jean-Luc is no more
He has crossed heaven's door
No more will he live in this world
As the torrential news of his death unfurled."
This particularly short joik was met with applause from the other smurfs. It was clear to them what they now had to do- stop the terror of the evil lord Nanar at all costs.
But this was easier said than done. They heard Nanar hailed from a British colony known as Canadia. An inhospitable, barren place- full of moose and very strange hyoomins. This posed a delicate problem to the Smurfs, who lived in another plane of reality. Of course, they could take the reality plane.
So they hopped on British Airways™ and prayed to God (not Allah) that ISIS would not hijack it. They had enough fatwas as it was.
They went to Canadia. As they arrived at the airport, they were greeted in a strange foreign tongue.
"Crisse de caribou de la sainte viarge, c'est les hobbits."
They decided to ignore the strange, obese man who had just said those strange words. The cleverest smurf, Sébastien, managed to figure out that the Canadians spoke a Latin, Romance language similar to French, but more adapted to the feeble intellect of the locals. He tried to speak a bit of it.
"Hé fils de pute, suice moi la bite silteplay."
The locals were not impressed.
But they had to find Nanar. They kept asking if anyone knew a Nanar, and they replied "Intouchables."
After a while, the smurfs got very annoyed and tried to find out where Intouchables was. They discovered it was in fact a motion-picture about a disabled hyoomin and a black hyoomin who really like each other.
That said, from this new piece of information they deduced where Nanar lived. As they arrived at his home, they found him masturbating to Boku no Pico. The smurfs were very confused, and the Canadian quickly shut down what he was watching and claimed he was just working. The smurfs performed a collective eye roll before beating him to death.
Or so they thought. But Nanar was a shrewd and calculating hyoomin, and cleverly faked his death by stopping his pulse. Even Sébastien, the most clever and learnèd of the smurfs, did not see through this ingenious plan. And so the smurfs left.
But Nanar did not forgive them, and started hatching his diabolical plan to eradicate Team Smurf forever.
END OF CHAPTER I
"No," he screamed out into the night. "This cannot be. Jean-Luc has died."
The other smurfs also let out their desperation. One of them started singing a smurf song known as a joik, a sort of funeral elegy or dearth.
"The firmament shall shake
All hell breaks through the quake
Jean-Luc is no more
He has crossed heaven's door
No more will he live in this world
As the torrential news of his death unfurled."
This particularly short joik was met with applause from the other smurfs. It was clear to them what they now had to do- stop the terror of the evil lord Nanar at all costs.
But this was easier said than done. They heard Nanar hailed from a British colony known as Canadia. An inhospitable, barren place- full of moose and very strange hyoomins. This posed a delicate problem to the Smurfs, who lived in another plane of reality. Of course, they could take the reality plane.
So they hopped on British Airways™ and prayed to God (not Allah) that ISIS would not hijack it. They had enough fatwas as it was.
They went to Canadia. As they arrived at the airport, they were greeted in a strange foreign tongue.
"Crisse de caribou de la sainte viarge, c'est les hobbits."
They decided to ignore the strange, obese man who had just said those strange words. The cleverest smurf, Sébastien, managed to figure out that the Canadians spoke a Latin, Romance language similar to French, but more adapted to the feeble intellect of the locals. He tried to speak a bit of it.
"Hé fils de pute, suice moi la bite silteplay."
The locals were not impressed.
But they had to find Nanar. They kept asking if anyone knew a Nanar, and they replied "Intouchables."
After a while, the smurfs got very annoyed and tried to find out where Intouchables was. They discovered it was in fact a motion-picture about a disabled hyoomin and a black hyoomin who really like each other.
That said, from this new piece of information they deduced where Nanar lived. As they arrived at his home, they found him masturbating to Boku no Pico. The smurfs were very confused, and the Canadian quickly shut down what he was watching and claimed he was just working. The smurfs performed a collective eye roll before beating him to death.
Or so they thought. But Nanar was a shrewd and calculating hyoomin, and cleverly faked his death by stopping his pulse. Even Sébastien, the most clever and learnèd of the smurfs, did not see through this ingenious plan. And so the smurfs left.
But Nanar did not forgive them, and started hatching his diabolical plan to eradicate Team Smurf forever.
END OF CHAPTER I